Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
