im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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