I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
