Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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