Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
