I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
