i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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