He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
