I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He did a backflip because drugs
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
