how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
