Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
