I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
