I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
