we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
