I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize