Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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