The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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