she was so not down for the gang bang
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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