i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
