Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
