You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We are all done wearing pants today
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
