I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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