Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
