I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize