bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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