"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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