nut hugger
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize