turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize