yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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