well I can't set my house on fire every night
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
