So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
