just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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