nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
