I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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