I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
