Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
