I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
