it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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