therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
