I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
