Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She said her name was "party"
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
