New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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