He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize