There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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