I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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