im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
