So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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