I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
