You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize