We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My dick has a subreddit
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
