'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
