he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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