he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
