margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Randomize
