THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
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