Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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