there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
