The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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