Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
