onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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