***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
