Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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