That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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