I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
