i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
