I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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