I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
