Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I have feelings that need drinking.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
