i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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