There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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