He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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