my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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