My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
