I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
