I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
