she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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