We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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