Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
