He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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