Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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