brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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